2012-02-02 - 10:19 a.m.

I've written here when heartbroken in the past. And I'm heartbroken now. But writing here feels empty because I want to speak to others and nobody reads this anymore.

But I don't know who to talk to right now. I don't want to repeat myself too much to those who care about my well-being. I will, but first I will talk to them about better things.

The mornings are hard. I wake up and I do my routine and I cry and cry while doing it. To wake up and know I will spend another day without him is crushing and painful and I cannot stand it. I wait for my bus and I dread passing by the house we used to live in together. I clench my whole body and hold my breath as I pass by without looking up.

My face is dry by the time I come into work. I can't remember whether or not I cry at night. Probably not, I keep myself too busy for that.

I keep old habits. I say his name in quiet moments without thinking, like a charm.

I loved him, I love him. These are both true.