2013-07-13 - 12:19 a.m.
Packing for a move makes me feel in control of my life. I am the arbiter of what is important enough to keep as representations of my past, as objects to help me in the present, or will be useful in the future I will try my best to make existent. Doing more with less, keeping only what is necessary and beautiful, creating space for things to come.
In a high school art class, one of our assignments was to draw what we wanted our room to look like in the future. I chose to draw what I hoped my apartment would be like as an adult. The place I have lived the past year and a half is remarkably like this drawing, both of them being studios. Instead of the one-person sleeping bag in my drawing I have a futon that fits two. Instead of a mobile hanging from the ceiling I have vinyl polka dot decals sprinkled across the walls.
Change is hard and always will be, even when it's good. It is sort of a relief, knowing and accepting this. I had never lived completely alone and thought I was never going to, the way I wholeheartedly believed things were headed. And then suddenly I was forced to look for a place to live and I resented recognizing I was excited to finally be on my own. It was important for me to set up my own utilities and pay the rent on time, to be a responsible adult and single lady about town. This has been a good miniature lifetime.
There are so many good things ahead. I am so happy to have found someone who makes life so livable. I love this studio and I am sad to say goodbye to it but deep down I don't want to live alone anymore.