2000-07-09 - ten thirty

i am so fucking scared of people. i don't know why.

i walk down the street, i see someone i know, and i literally turn around and walk fast in the other direction. same thing happens on the bus or train platform or ... anythin really. i don't get it! i'm quite a friendly person, or so i would like to think. why the hell can't i just say hi to someone?

i ran away from so very many people today i'm begininng to think i should do something about it.

sigh. so i'm still a bit shy. it's just that ... i hate articficial conversations, and it's so easy to fall into one of those. even when you TRY to make it real, the other person doesn't reciprocate. i just can't bear to see people so dehumanized that they are just figures who stand around and act cliched and patterned. perhaps they don't realize what's going on, or they just like it the way they are.