2003-02-12 - 2:26 p.m.

there's a "date auction" at school somewhere for a gay-friendly organization (the auction being for those of all sexual orientations), but since i do not know when or where or for who this benefit is, i cannot participate. that is too bad, because i was totally prepared to sashay onstage (in the arm of a guy in a tuxedo) and have someone read this off a little card as space-age music (think jetsons, or even fantastic plastic machine) played:

this is klara. she's nineteen, enjoys baking cookies, and will say encouraging things to you as you play metroid prime, even though your ass is being kicked by the formidable space pirates.

i previously discussed the possibilities of entering myself in such an auction, and it was generally agreed upon by those at the table that i was nuts for thinking it'd be fucking hilarious if no one bid on me. i explained that i have such high self-esteem (i'm witty! i'm nice to people, and sort of cute! sparklesparkle) that i'd mostly just laugh about such things, but also low enough (i am scatterbrained and don't know things, i look funny and will have funny-looking children, i can be mean and uberlazy) that when something good happens to me i'll feel guilty and strange about it.

p.s. after watching you play metroid prime, i would then proceed to stage two and make out with you, my obliging date. but only if you beat the space pirates. no one wants to make out with a loser.

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