2002-02-10 - 9:30 p.m.

in response:

i've decided that the thing keeping me alive is hope that i'll come to a *insert a word here that means something fuckin awesome* understanding with people i love and don't love despite all the hurt, and hope that all the bitterness is worth it once i am finally able to discard it in favor of creating something, something that'll embody more than just a scrap of truth for people to ponder and love.

and tabby said that we don't study acadec because we actually enJOY learning about roy rogers working as a fruit picker. the thing is, i have to like this stuff because otherwise i won't remember any of it.

i remember what i love.

and i'm fairly certain i won't stop being sad until i go to college, because i've given up on highschool.

i figure that i've given up on the wrong thing, and i'll give up on the right thing once i'm far enough away.

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