2001-10-15 - 9:33 p.m.

been listening to happy music lately; it's hard not to be cheered up by it. sometimes i wonder how i'd be if i wasn't influenced by people or music, and wasn't a construction of all this other stuff.

but that's impossible, isn't it?

anyhow, it occurs to me over and over that just maybe you i everyone thinks "hey, please lookatme, laughatmyjokes, careabout my dental hygiene status, lovememore than anyone else on this earth."

because it's sorta beautiful to care that damn much about someone.

somewhere along the way, someone else'll care about me the same tremendous level i'll care about that person, and we'll do cool stuff like hang out at airports and leave notes for people all over the city.

fuck you, seemingly irrefillable hollow in my tummy, fuck you.

*shakes fist*

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