2001-10-28 - after the fact

i think i'm getting attached without the official attachment papers. that's pretty much it.

this is one of those mornings where i can't stay in bed precisely because i'd stay in it, thinking too many things about stuff that doesn't matter, stuff i shouldn't care about.

i want to go back to sleep but i am a-scay-erd of my one-person bed that fails to remind me of the womb. so i am going to sit here and listen to this tape and wear this sweater and leave my hair long instead of taking it down at night.

i'm such a cheater. rearranging my words and habits from person to person not unlike a myna bird or perhaps a mirroring bird. but it makes sense to do so, because they're still my words and my habits (like creating a "My First K. doll -- Now with Words and Habits!" in a box, only not); i just find it easier to connect with people if i curve into their styles of speaking, massaging the conversation.

and to be perfectly honest, i'm really fuckin happy. i just need to study more.

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