2002-10-10 - 8 am

i had that dream again last night, the one and only dream that makes me incredulously happy while it lasts and makes me sad upon real-izing that none of it really happened.

you know, dreaming of a welcoming that is false upon waking.

and what would it be like, to be on the other side? the same as this, i suppose, since i know what it's like to hate me too (though not the core of it).

don't you think it's better to reserve love for that which you once loved?

or at least ... not-hate? or ... um, never mind. i assume that you're wavering between muggy hate and a 22-degrees-celsius ignoring of me.

so ... i guess all i can do is continue what i've been doing. fumbling fondness and affection, because it's easier to keep secrets when you change worlds.

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