2001-12-29 - 4:45 a.m.

the "truth beauty freedom love" thingy from moulin rouge seems so silly and it made me laugh, but i don't know anymore if it's laugh-worthy. sometimes i think the only reason why people reject such idealism is because it's like that quote from Cry, the Beloved Country:

"I have one great fear in my heart, that one day when they have turned to loving, they will find we are turned to hating." - Alan Paton

the way i take this in a rather roundabout way is that idealism is fanfuckintastic except for when you've got one idealistic fellow and a mob of not-so-idealisticy folk. it's unfortunately naive to believe that everyone is going to follow this beautiful ideal .... but it's even worse when the people who wish to reform things don't band together with loving instead of slowly becoming jaded one by one with so much hating. i don't mean to preach about hatred and ignorance, but fuck it, it's also sad that people bitch about caring about things.

there's that "Pay It Forward"-type "one person can make a difference" rhetoric lying around and i hope that works, i really hope that it does. but i'm thinking that perhaps there is a constant goodbad doing battle and neither side ever wins or loses and this is just the way things are and if you're gonna do good, that's great, but idealism is to be followed but not entirely believed in. you're just setting yourself up for failure. i hope that i stop thinking this way in the future and replace whatever i seem to think is realism with something more conducive to changing the way things are.

blah blah blah.

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