2002-04-09 - 7:57 a.m.

can i begin something new when i can still remember the old?
(mutually exclusive)

i am (we are) taking a trip to phoenix come next morning.
a trip is a journey and a journey is a passing so this journey is a passage into what?
hah i don't know where i'm going or what i'm looking for or what college i'm going to for that matter.

i feel guilt whenever my mother offers me money
she doesn't have that much and i don't need that much
and it makes me feel too young
there are so few rites of passage left
i think i want ceremony that isn't robbed of what makes it worthwhile.

(and i'm not quite sure if it's funny or not that adolescence used to mean getting scars across one's back but now means getting some balloons and a car ... hey, i never got balloons and a car. meh to that!)

i'm inspired by people who have no idea how they affect me.
sometimes i want to tell them
but i'm a little bit too tired right now of how it feels as though
understanding is a process of torturing one and the other.

hm. this year's acadec theme is Understanding Others. now i wish our shirt slogan was

Acadec: Understanding Others
(when "understanding" means "slow-roasting" each other)
actually, i would prefer it to say "means eating each other" because i bet livy tastes yummy.

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