2000-09-25 - uh huh

i don't know what else to do.

this ISNT THAT BAD.

it's light lines of a safety pin on my arm. scratches. i'm not bleeding. just a sting. and a warmth.

is this what i wanted? to become "extra ordinary."

perhaps. if given the choice between dealing with the ordinary and dealing with the undealable, why not.

i'm lying to myself, aren't i. my problems aren't impossible. i just hurt and want to hurt more. feel raised flesh and that fine glow.