2001-11-11 - 12:47 a.m.

and it's great to grin along to such sad songs (while everyone else smiles too, with big pretend tearmarks made only by fingers)

but really. i had no idea food could taste so this way. maybe i should eat one meal a day and have it be extra extra good all the time.

sometimes i get freaked out if i don't see and hug and laugh with people for more than a week but then i realize that separation is as natural as everything else is, and i have friends who are too smart to resent anyone for not keeping in touch all the time.

so i'll miss you, even though i don't have to (but it's a human reaction, and i seem to be in love with strangers and human reactions and syncopation tonight oh god i've been awake for nearly twenty four hours).

and by "you" i mean all of you.

so much is masquerading as weakness when it's just something completely and nicely different.

things are good. better than they have been.

what am i comparing this okayness to? to last week? weeks and weeks of little days and their seemingly chasmic differences i have no right to compare to each other, because my span should not be so narrow so shallow.

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