2003-02-28 - 7:00 a.m.

i learned what it is to have butterflies in my tummy on the morning i woke up for my first spelling bee in 2nd grade.

and .. well. what in the name of fuck: why do you want to stick a kid (you know, the awkward shy one we all claim we are/were*) on a stage in front of hundreds of OTHER kids and have them spell things?

ok, i am just bitter that i missed untold(!) oppurtunities of fame(sparklesparkle?) and fortune(bling and/or bling!) simply because i got stage fright and spelled too fast. i knew even before i completed the damn word that i had made a mistake, and so i just started crying onstage.

golly, i guess i haven't changed that much; i still cry at all my spelling bees (you know, those college spelling bees). that ... that's normal, right? r-i-g-h-t. right?

* in my case, i was too inept to even realize i was weird in comparison to the other kids. it really didn't hit me til i was older. perhaps i will not realize the full extent of my current awkwardness** til i am super old.

** and it isn't even really awkwardness, is it? it's something entirely different, either neutral or better.

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