2001-12-17 - 100 pm

i gave blood today. the nurse told me i had a gorgeous vein, took six minutes (which is quicker than eby's dizzy 18), told me i saved two lives, and sent me off to "cookieland." i winced when the nurse told me "you saved two lives!" i think i felt weird about that because i don't want to equate a plastic bag of blood with two lives. meaningless convenience found in statistics and numbers.

sometimes i want to erase the "i" words from all my sentences:

looked up this morning and noticed the leaves had disappeared. don't really know what been doing the past few weeks save not noticing the unarrival of the leaves. and wondered if anyone else, namely oldhatted businessmen with briefcases, ever looked up at the trees and wondered when and where all the leaves had gone. felt a little sad that had let such a passing occur without acknowledgement.

and what mean to say is that there are a lot of people in this world care about and say lots of lots of things. some things say are first-person-involved and talk of hurt, other things are just as honest and neutralize.

know that there is a happiness in this process, so there's never a need to worry, not when things grow constant less in complication.

and know that am better person than was before, or act on my better impulses faster. fancy to that he would be proud of or something silly like that. but think it's best not to bother speaking of such things as being better than before or whether or not various people would be happy to know am differently __.

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