2001-10-16 - 6:13 p.m.

i understand. and i shake because it is cold, not out of fear or love

that and people are ultimately selfish (not that it's your fault, and i mean that).

i could never hate you, you are exactly what i am. maybe i have bad timing, because i wish we were both nice at the same time or both assholes at the same time.

so this is what "blind" means (this isn't what "horrible" means at all).

but it's so halfassed.

and i'm annoyed at myself because my moods are too transient, they shouldn't be dependent on the status quo, no not at all. the littlest thing can destroy or restore my faith in humanity, and that's not cool.

and you know the truth, the fuck. ing. truth? people are ABSOLUTELY CORRECT when they stop me in the hallway and ask "are you okay" and "you never smile" and "what's up" with a concern in their voice. the problemthing is, there is nothing to do about it: it is up to me to get better than just attaining these half-fledged moments.

and chances are i'll try to float up by tomorrow morning, and i'll talk about ninja turtles in whole shells instead.

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