2002-01-01 - 11:35 p.m.

though i am weak my breath is heavy

and sometimes i wonder where honesty would take me when it comes to you (or any of any of you).

there is a great probability that my new year's resolution is to sit on more rooftops in the summertime (i miss summer).

and there are things in my head that i want to leave in there, these clipped things i want to tell you when you wouldn't care anyway (eh i don't take it too seriously at the core of it).

i realized again tonight, just how much i like the get up kids and how much i love you in the caring sense with so much faith and affection (and a little healthy shame) for our younger selves.

a big chunk of myself must have been drugged or smashed or pummeled while i wasn't looking because i almost tried to say "hello! things can be wonderful if you merely want them to be" and i think that could be wrong, and i am perhaps afraid that humans don't long for something so sweet. or perhaps they do, but it is a wish coupled with a desire for something darker that claws against the honorable walls of people's hearts.

so much good and so much bad and it's all ok that way.

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